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Holiday and Travel Jokes
1. I got to Costa Rica for my first vacation in five (3/21/2011)
Today, I got to Costa Rica for my first vacation in five years. I immediately rented a scooter for the week after checking into my prepaid, no refunds, hotel. On the way back from the rental agency I hit a pothole and broke my leg and ripped the skin off my foot.
Today, I got to Costa Rica for my first vacation in five years. I immediately rented a scooter for the week after checking into my prepaid, no refunds, hotel. On the way back from the rental agency I hit a pothole and broke my leg and ripped the skin off my foot.
2. A Bad News (3/19/2011)
The doctor says, `I have some good news and some bad news.`The man says, `OK, give me the good news first.`The doctor says, `The good news is, you have 24 hours to live.`
The doctor says, `I have some good news and some bad news.`The man says, `OK, give me the good news first.`The doctor says, `The good news is, you have 24 hours to live.`
3. Idiot (3/19/2011)
An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me? Son: No.
An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me? Son: No.
4. Wrong Number (3/19/2011)
teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up. `Wow!,` said her father, `That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?`
teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up. `Wow!,` said her father, `That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?`
5. Double Mistakes (3/19/2011)
Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? It's a girl. She's my daughter.Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? It's a girl. She's my daughter.Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
6. The Biggest Lie (3/19/2011)
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, `Why are you arguing?` One boy answers, `We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.`
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, `Why are you arguing?` One boy answers, `We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.`
7. Second Language (3/19/2011)
family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and said, `Bow-wow!` The cat ran away. `What was that, Father?` asked Baby Mouse. `Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language.`
family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and said, `Bow-wow!` The cat ran away. `What was that, Father?` asked Baby Mouse. `Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language.`
8. Two Pounds of Plums (3/18/2011)
Mother: I sent my little boy for two pounds of plums and you gave him a pound and a half. Shopkeeper: My scales are all right, madam. Have you weighted your little boy?
Mother: I sent my little boy for two pounds of plums and you gave him a pound and a half. Shopkeeper: My scales are all right, madam. Have you weighted your little boy?
9. The Toast Is Burned (3/18/2011)
young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, `Mom, the toast is burned.`
young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, `Mom, the toast is burned.`
10. The Goldfish and the Cat (3/18/2011)
Little Amy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, `What are you up to there, Amy?`
Little Amy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, `What are you up to there, Amy?`
11. The Age and Daydreaming (3/18/2011)
The teacher noticed that Johnny had been daydreaming for a long time. She decided to get his attention. `Johnny,` she said, `If the world is 25,000 miles around and eggs are sixty cents a dozen, how old am I?
The teacher noticed that Johnny had been daydreaming for a long time. She decided to get his attention. `Johnny,` she said, `If the world is 25,000 miles around and eggs are sixty cents a dozen, how old am I?
12. I wasn't listening (3/18/2011)
I don't know.` the little girl answered.`You don't know? But you were reading aloud, so you must know.`
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I don't know.` the little girl answered.`You don't know? But you were reading aloud, so you must know.`
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